Four weddings and only one funeral????

The rainy season has begun and so is the wedding season (I still don't get the correlation between rainy season and weddings). Anyways, I'm bored to the skull, so let's talk about something. The topic of the day is... *hear the drums* : MARRIAGE (ta-daaaaa)

Okay I know this is a boring topic, but what the fuck man, this is my page so you better deal with it. Anyhoo, I've got 3 weddings invitations already, and I might not be attending any of them. I don't like crowds in weddings and having to answer when is my turn.
When asked question like that I answer: when the couple over there get divorced.

It usually ruins the cheers, so I think I better stay quiet at home. And the food at the weddings are usually of standard taste anyway. Plus, I can't eat that much when my lips are smudged with lipstick and the dress is too damn tight.

Everytime my friends got married, I ask them WHY? And the answers are usually... (from the most frequent answers)

1. We've been together for way too long
-This usually followed by another question: AND??

2. He proposed
-Another AND question, followed by "Well do you love him that much?". The answer is usually "Well.. I guess so. Err, I mean I do".

3. My parents want me to
-I understand that we must respect our parents. But I believe we get to choose our own happiness. If your parents told you to eat shit would you do it too?

4. I love him/her
-Now this is the answer I want to hear. Good for you if this is your reason to get married.

5. I'm pregnant
-I pity you. We live in a modern world where scientists have found condoms and other birth control methods to minimize the spread of diseases (talking about condoms here) and the possibility of getting preggers. Where the fuck do you live? Jungle?
*it's a different story if the condoms leaked. I mean at least you tried to be safe ;)

6. I'm getting old
-So are the rest of the world. And this is just the lamest excuse. Afraid of peer pressure? For crying out loud we're not in high school anymore.

I can go on and on, but let's just stop the counting right here. It's getting boring.

Anyways, I see friends getting married and divorced. It makes me shake my head in despair *well, not really*. Why would you get married if you know you and/or your partner aren't ready for this?

I see too many couples hurting each other and fighting for child custody. I come from a broken home and I know how difficult it is for the kids. Respect the commitment.
And if it has to end after all the efforts... Well, people fail sometime, at least you tried your best.

This is why I like funerals better. Why?.

1. I don't have to dress up and no makeup/high heels needed. The more I look non-fashionable the more the mourners feel respected.

2. I don't have to queue for the food. And to think of it, it's good for my diet. I mean, how could someone eat when tears are flowing and misery is clogging one's throat. Imagine if I go to those weddings with their cholesterol and uric acid loaded food (I don't even have the courage to weigh myself nowadays).

3. I don't have to give red envelopes. Flowers are much more suitable because there is no "with all respect, we do not accept gifts nor flowers" sentence like in the wedding invitations.

4. I don't have to smile and say hi to strangers.

5. No one ever asked me when is my turn.

6. After the funeral, I go home with a prayer and a smile, knowing that the deceased is now finally at peace. Not guessing and betting with like-minded friends about how long the marriage gonna last.

Okay don't complain about my cynicism. I am having hormonal imbalance due to PMS, so I have all the rights in the world to do whatever I want :P

Ps: If you're offended after reading this, I can only say... who the fuck told you to read? Muahahahaha!