The role of Victim (the 'poor me' attitude) is something I loathe the most.
And I'm talking about those hardcore, serious, self-victimizing bunch of cunts.
Below are the reasons why:
1. People who play this role automatically gain self-worth. Follow this reasoning closely: as victims, they are the ones to whom injustice is being done. Thus, the others are incorrect, not okay, wrong in what they do and consequently the 'victims' are okay, good and right. They want the people around to see that the 'victims' are worthy and we are not.
For many of those pathetic people, who lack sufficient self-esteem, this is a way they can establish their self-worth, by being the victims of others' wrong doings.
2. As 'victims', they can play on the others' pity and guilt. When we are angry with them, they will try diminish our rage and aggression by appearing weak and abused.
3. When they want something from us, they will play on our guilt, by making us look responsible for their unhappiness or their problems.
4. They, as 'victims', are not responsible for their own reality and thus not to blame if them or their lives are not as they would like them to be. They have an excuse for not being okay or manifesting their potential.
Thus, as victims, they gain what they want from the others, by making other people feel responsible for these people's reality, and by believing that they are weak, incapable and in need of help.
When confronted with loved ones who are playing the role of victim, YOU need to free yourselves from the illusion that you are responsible for their reality or that you can create their happiness, health or success in life. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT THEY ARE WEAK. YOU can love and support them with all heart, but you CAN'T create THEIR happiness, health or success. Only they can do that.
You need to express your love to them in ways that they can feel it, without getting caught up in feeling responsible or guilty for their reality. This requires a combination of love, effective communication and clarity of mind. If you are a nice person, maybe you can help them find another way of getting what they need. Away free from self-pity and unnecessary suffering.
But remember: IT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
If you have tried your best and they still choose to wallow in their so-called misery, I suggest you to dump your friends/lover right away. You don't need another burden in life. It means they do not appreciate you and most probably just using you.
When we serve someone a fish, we feed them once. When we teach them to fish, we feed them for a lifetime.
